The Brian Vortex

Hearing about the scandal involving the New York governor–it’s disappointing, but far from a surprise–and I’m reminded that you can’t trust anyone you don’t know personally, and even then you can’t really trust anyone beyond yourself.

It makes me think of Brian, who I’ve recently begun speaking to once again.  It sounds so childish to declare that I’m not speaking to someone, but I really had lost all respect for him; the idea of calling him was revolting and I didn’t even listen to his messages.  In the end, I called him because I knew he was down and out and I felt guilty leaving him out of the wonderful knowledge I was gaining from the high school basketball coaches who had been helping me.  Not so deep down, I knew that was an excuse for reconnecting, though.  I called him, extending an olive branch and the offer to attend a game or a practice and we met up for drinks.

But little has changed in one month.  Brian hasn’t been to a game or a practice and he’s given the same old excuses about his “scheduled interviews” and “job opportunities”.  But, interestingly, he never describes how they unfolded.  Meanwhile, I’ve been roped back into helping Brian finish his goddamned rap.  It’s good.  It’s really, really good.  But it’s frustrating to work with him because he’s clearly afraid of submitting it.  He nitpicks over every detail for hours and we end up changing lyrics and recording nothing.  He acts as if this is his big break but we’ve been doing this for 18 fucking months.  We’re not professionals and we’re not fooling anybody — it doesn’t have to be perfect.  We just need to send the impressive, yet imperfect demo to the DJ and hear his advice.  I’m talking the advice of someone who matters instead of the advice of a high school friend who knows how to work a computer.  This guy is the definition of leech/shackle/burden.  I hate to say that about my friend, but it’s true; I can’t believe I got sucked in again.