Gearing Up…plus a little rant

I only started watching the Academy Awards a few minutes ago, but already there was a moment of hilarity when Ben Affleck was introduced as an “award-winning screenwriter”. True, true, of course, but come on…that’s like describing me as “popular blogger.” Whatever. There are lots of great movies but the awards, in general, are pretty ridiculous. I’m not saying anything new.

For sure, this weekend was for unwinding/resetting/regrouping because I had just run out of steam, literally. I was falling asleep while driving in the rain to dinner in Sunnyvale and the vegetarian cuisine (while probably the best veggie meal I’ve ever had. Everyone go to Udupi Palace! The one in Sunnyvale because it seems like there are many!) didn’t really pick me up. Did I even leave the house on Saturday? Partying just wasn’t possible this weekend because I’m so burned out by the goddamned kids. I’m just so frustrated by my young kids in Biology who seem to chat on principle and, despite having been in class for four weeks, still come without a paper and a pen. It’s like, when I am telling you something brand-new…something you’ve never heard before and I’m drawing pictures and making comparisons and asking you to make comparisons, and all of this is happening in a classroom…shouldn’t you probably write it down?? And the exams…I know no one studies. And I feel bad in the first place because we’re covering these topics so superficially. My class is like Bio Cliffs Notes, really. I should have high expectations, but only 4 out of my 55 bio students are getting A’s now. It’s not even lack of understanding that is doing in the other students, it’s lack of consistency. Yes, when I assign homework it is due the next day. Yes, it’s written on the board every day. Yes, you must write it down because it’s not like you can take the whiteboard home with you.

On Friday, our principal made a surprise visit to class and I got a taste of distraction-free teaching for about 40 minutes as all of the students suddenly remembered that they really could pay attention without my constant goading. I certainly didn’t know she was coming in, but I rocked; class participation, examples, demonstration of enzyme activity, answering questions…I mean, look how much we could get done in class! But afterward…that girl…god, I want to slap her…WHY does she come to class? She suggested that I called the principal in to get the students in trouble. Are you FUCKING kidding?? Is she that selfish? It was just one of the many moments leaving me speechless last week. Is that how I spend my evenings? Trying to plan how to give you a detention instead of how to get you to understand why water is polar? And I know it’s high school. I KNOW it’s high school. Some students are immature, some students are behind. But too many students just seem clueless or vindictive or have too much apathy for people who have just started life. I feel like I’ve just started life and I’m ten years ahead of them. They just don’t realize how doing simple things in class would serve them so well for the future. And it’s tiring for me because the rewarding moments are few and far between. I have fourteen weeks remaining this year; yes, I’m counting. I just learned how to call in sick; yes, I found out. Why would I want to come back next year?

But then, maybe my approach is wrong. Maybe my planning is insufficient. Maybe I’ve got to look inward and change my attitude to get the result I want. So that’s what this weekend was about…resting and spending today getting all lesson-planned out and labbed up and getting set for 5 powerful days in which nothing will come as a surprise and I’ll be totally prepared. And I’m excited for this week. But I truly feel like learning takes lifting from myself as well as my students, and I have my doubts whether my students will hold up their ends.

Oh, and I bought new Pumas.